family, grief, life, love, poetry

our only sunshine

low angle photo of sunflowers
Photo by Rahul Pandit on Pexels.com

 

i reach for him
my body already numb
from too much pinot noir
and anticipate his rejection.

i know he doesn’t mean it but god does
it hurt that he’s left me with only
the shell of his body, his inner core
on retreat in the world of sorrow.

i deal with life for the both of us.
i repaint the pink walls white.
i donate the little dresses to charity.
i put the picture books into boxes
unable to keep from reading each one.
my fingers caress the brightness
on the pages. i hold the hard covers
against my face, nudging the word
love that always seems to be in
the title with my cheek.
leap into me love
never let me go.

tonight the boundary
between our worlds finally collide.
when i reach for him
he lets me hold him.
he lets his body relax into mine
and i feel a piece of darkness
slip out from under us.

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine i say
rubbing his back
kissing the tears away.

we were supposed to sing it to her
i say as our bodies rock back and forth
finally wading through the pain together.

—Lissa E.

inspired by a readwritepoem prompt about light

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17 thoughts on “our only sunshine”

  1. this, is something that broke my heart into tiny pieces all over again. we were supposed to sing it to her, we were. you’ve used up my last piece of blotting paper of the nights’ sorrows.

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  2. this is a painful read,, mainly because it is just too vivid.. you have captured the essence of a dying love here,, and in the end,, just the glimmer of a hope of salvage.. excellently crafted lissa…..

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  3. off a prompt–you did this well–put yourself into it–I sang that song to my three girls as when they were young–oddly enough not being able to sing it for whatever reason is still sad

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  4. lissa, your naturally empathy brings to you and your
    poetry such a strong insight into all pain and suffering
    and you are able to focus in and write from your
    own heart.

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  5. yes, it is beautiful.. all the more so b/c he opens to her.. it is not easy being strong behind the weakness of loss and grief… poignant lissa.. those lines drift in and out of her day as if we see her before our eyes…

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  6. This is a very difficult subject expertly done. You don’t shy away from it at all but still find the delicacy in it. I especially like these lines:

    “he lets his body relax into mine
    and i feel a piece of darkness
    slip out from under us.”

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  7. “i know he doesn’t mean it but god does
    it hurt that he’s left me with only
    the shell of his body, his inner core
    on retreat in the world of sorrow.”

    i know this feeling well having lost two children. you have captured what many go thru when they have lost a child…a numbness that is impenetrable by others. empathically captured and with a wisdom of one who’s gone through it.

    this was excellent and beautifully written, lissa. it was tender, filled with sorrow and love. you’ve touched my heart girl.

    Like

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